DeMarcus. Cousins. Golden State Warrior.
So, LeBron James chose to go to the Los Angeles Lakers, and that was supposed to be the deal of the summer. That was cool, I guess. It was cool for about 24 hours. The Lakers also signed Lance Stephenson, JaVale McGee, KCP, and Rajon Rondo, which was a little strange, but still exciting, fun, enough to keep us going through the day.
Then something else happened. Something incredible. Something so dastardly brilliant that only the GM of the Golden State Warriors could pull off.
They signed one of the NBA’s best big men, at least, according to the man some consider the GOAT.
Oh, are you unfamiliar with his work? Look at this:
Yeah, he’s pretty good. He was an all star last season, much like he was the year before that, just like the year before that, and once more for good measure, the year before that as well. He is a four-time all star, a two-time all-NBA player, and is now part of the Golden State Warriors.
The Warriors made sure LeBron James had the news cycle for a day, simply out of respect, but the move they made next was to show their utter disrespect of the entire league, and that is what this team is all about. They are the single greatest entity that this league has ever seen, and they don’t care how you feel or what you think about them.
This situation was perfect for DeMarcus Cousins, he was coming off of a ruptured achilles tendon (which is less than ideal), but that allowed for his market to dry up due to the questions surrounding his health. The Warriors, who just saved a bunch of money with Kevin Durant signing a 1+1 deal, used their newfound flexibility to extend a hand to one of the best players in the NBA. Here, I know it’s hard to swallow, so think about it like this: 29 of the 30 total teams in the NBA could have offered more money than the Warriors did. They offered him $5.4 million, that’s their mid-level exception. No other team was willing to do so, so while you are whining about how unfair this is, just know that your team could have signed him, your team just did not have the balls.
DeMarcus Cousins is going to make $5.4 million next year, show the world he is still capable of playing at a high-level, win a championship, and cash in next summer. It really is perfect for him, and shame on anyone saying he’s a coward. Your favorite team could have stopped this.
Oh, want to here some more fun stuff especially if you are a Laker fan hoping to land the all-world talent known as Boogie Cousins? The Lakers just signed Rajon Rondo to a deal that will pay him nearly twice as much as Boogie will make. He will be making just more than Lance Stephenson is. Are either of those two players better than DeMarcus Cousins? No. They aren’t. Don’t even entertain that thought in your head for a second. I regret even asking you that question.
The best part of this whole thing though is not that DeMarcus Cousins has averaged 21.5 ppg in his career on 46% shooting. It’s not that he grabs an average of 11 rebounds per game, and it’s not that he is a career 33.8% three point shooter. The best part is that the Warriors really do not care how you feel about this. As the rest of the NBA explodes into a panicked fury that is a perfect mixture of sad tweets, instagram comments, and youtube videos, two of the Warriors best players are trolling fans about it on instagram.
These two pictures were from the instagram stories of Kevin Durant and Draymond Green:
Stephen Curry tweeted that DeMarcus Cousins is finally the third splash brother:
Yeah, we are in the era of the superteam, the team from the Bay Area perfected the superteam. They have created the best team that the NBA has ever, and probably will ever, see. Warriors fans can’t be expected to feel sorry about this. If you don’t like it, be mad at your own teams for letting Stephen Curry fall to the Warriors at 7 (here’s looking at you, Minnesota), or for Klay Thompson falling to the Warriors at 11, or for letting Draymond Green fall to the second round. Maybe be mad about the Thunder choosing to let James Harden leave Oklahoma City over pocket change before maxing the owner’s credit card over Kirkland Brand Kevin Durant and washed-up Carmelo Anthony. Maybe get mad that 29 teams didn’t give DeMarcus Cousins a serious shot. It isn't the Warriors fault for taking advantage of the idiocy around the league.
While the supeteam was not created by the Warriors, or even LeBron, that is the era we currently live in. The Warriors went from being the death lineup and taking home the title in 2015 to losing in seven games in 2016. They then signed Kevin Durant and dominated the league in 2016, going 16-1 in the playoffs, and were an otherworldly shooting performance away from sweeping the entire postseason. Adding Durant made them the Hamptons 5, a nickname so perfect that I still smile when I see it. They then swept LeBron James in 2018, which pissed him off so bad that he broke his hand. Now, in the offseason in which LeBron James abandon all hope for another title in Northeast Ohio, bolting for the Lakers, they went out and got even better. They signed DeMarcus Cousins. They are “unfair."
So, what’s the name for the new lineup? The “infinity gauntlet five?" The “death star five?" How about just “Fuck You 5?"
Look, there isn’t any real reason to fret, any real reason to fear. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and that’s something we’ve all been told since we were children. You don’t like it? Get better. The Warriors certainly are.
I still can’t get over it. The Warriors just added a fifth all-star. This is hilarious. I was so excited when I heard the news I had to record a video in my car.
We don’t know how healthy DeMarcus Cousins will be next season, we don’t know how other teams will react. Here’s what we do know, the 2018/19 Golden State Warriors will be damn fun to watch, and I don’t feel bad if you don’t like that.